In 1983— when I started working as a Phlebotomist,
I Was Scared…
Let me rephrase that. I was Quaking and Shaking in my Tennies when I started. It wasn’t until the 3rd day, that I actually put a needle into someone. I managed to squirrel out up until then. Everyone on the crew was volunteering to let me practice on them. I managed to talk all of them into letting me wait, observe and “Soak” up all the details. The fact of the matter, I was freakin scared out of what little wits I still had. I could not believe that I had actually gotten a job where I would be required to put needles into people. Needles had always scared the–You Know What, out of me. Now I was being expected to actually put them into patients’ arms??
Where was the exit sign?? How was I gonna get out of this?? How was I ever gonna be a first rate Phlebotomist? Now if you’re talking about doing it in Mock? I could handle a vacu-holder and load tubes into it lickety split. On a table top anyway. Not with the needle in anyone yet. I had tied tourniquets on everyone on the crew up until then. I had been commended by everyone on my tourniquet tying ability. I was a natural in Tourniquet 101. I would make my mark as a “Tourniquet Aficionado”, but when it came down to actually doing the deed and putting the needle into someone—I was Mr. Schmoove Moooves … How, I don’t know, but I was able to talk my new fellow employees into letting me just “Soak” up all the particulars about Phlebotomy. I let them know that I was very “Analytical”. That I was very “Organized” in my approach about learning new skills. That I needed time to “Analyze” it from every side possible…
Bottom line, I was scared down to my very Core, to stick anyone. I managed to squirrel out for 2 days. I was dead tired because I had not slept much at all for the first 2 nights after I started in my new career as a Phlebotomist. I kept imagining patients screaming and getting very mad at me for my lack of prowess. The third day I came in—I actually stopped at the Human Resources Job Board they had hanging in their hall and looked for other possible positions available in the hospital. “Gotta be something else I can do, besides inflicting pain on these poor, sick patients in this hospital”, I was thinking. Too Bad, So sad. I could not find anything I was suited for. I had not one iota of the credentials that the posted positions required. Nurses, Respiratory Techs, Nurse Managers?? Geez, I had no option but to make my way to the lab for my third day of abject terror. I walked in and Mary the team leader greeted me with her beautiful smile and a sincere, “Good Morning Steve”. I grunted something back and then Mary informed me in her patient and kind tone, “Well Steve, today, you have to start sticking.” “Huh, what was that you just said”? I was thinking. “Another day of “Analytical, Observation” would really set the foundation for me”, I started to eke out, but I was frozen in place trying to decipher what she had just said. Then she threw me over the cliff… Mary said, “I’m gonna let you start out with me”. She started rolling up her sleeves showing me the prominent veins everywhere.
Ai Yi Yi !! — I could feel the walls closing in. No place to run to. No place to hide this time. In my best high pitched quivering voice—I said, “Mary, I don’t want to stick anyone I know”!! “Well Steve, how you gonna be a Phlebotomist if you don’t start sticking”? she said. Then I set myself up with the Worst Possible Decision I could have made for myself. “Mary, how bout I stick a patient first?? I really would rather do that instead of sticking someone I know.” “Are you sure?” she incredulously asked. “Yeah, yeah that’s what I really want to do Mary!!” I blurted out. Mary looked at the earnest expression on my face and with hesitation she said, “Okay, if that’s how you want to start out… I’ll find someone easy for you to stick.” The sweat was beginning to bead on my forehead. Where was that exit sign again?
So then I tried to find what resolve I could and not fall down in a bleating stupor. No way out. My legs were getting heavier and heavier as I trailed Mary to the Emergency Room. My heart was visibly thumpety, thump, thump thumping on the outside of my chest as she looked over the “Patient Board”, looking for an appropriate patient for me to start out on. Then she finds a 20 year old male patient with “Body Aches” posted. Talk about “Body Aches”, –My Body was starting to “Ache” all on its’ own. My legs had turned into lead filled stumps. How I got them to move—I don’t know, but somehow I was trailing Mary as we made our way further into the Emergency room. Good Thing we were in the ER, because any second now I was gonna end up on the floor, oblivious to the world as I fainted…
We walked into the assigned, curtained stall and found a rail thin young man with a pimply, red flushed face and a sweaty brow, and eyes that conveyed his “Body Aches”. He looked like I was feeling. I managed to introduce myself in the squeakiest, highest pitched quivering voice I could come up with. He began to position himself on his bed, for the forthcoming foray into pain for him and for me as well. Mary was busy talking to him and trying to distract him and keep his attention on her as I began to clumsily arrange all the tools and tubes. My fingers had become thick, numb and sweaty as I attempted to get everything in place. My hands were so sweaty, they were starting to embarrass me. Believe it or not, in 1983 we were not required to wear gloves. Not until a few years later, did that change. After I finally butterfingered my way through getting the tourniquet on him, veins the size of my thumbs began to pop up everywhere. A Phlebotomy Rookie’s dream if there ever was one. Veins that had neon signs on them flashing—“Stick Me, Stick Me, Right Here!!”
Well— Stick Him—I did. When I could not find any other way to avoid it anymore—I set my teeth in a clench, and with my bloodshot, tired, bulging eyes bugging out—I buried that needle. The poor guy let out a whining howl and sat straight up in the bed. No Joke—This really happened. “It never hurt that bad before”!!!! He screams out and his eyes became Red Hot Daggers he was aiming at me. I froze in place like a cold, heavy stone. He must have been thinking, “Who is this Clown with this needle in my arm!!?” I literally froze, I could not think of what to do next. “Do I pull the needle out? Do I put it deeper? Do I start screaming for Help??” Mary expertly came around the bed and made her way in between me and the poor guy. She reached in and gently took over the vacu-holder that was cemented into my sweaty hand. “Steve let me have the vacu-holder and please back away and give me some room.” She patiently told me. I managed to let go and slink my way back and give the Woman, My Hero, some room. All Mary had to do was pull the needle back a bit and blood immediately started into the tubes. I had completely gone through the vein for the poor guy. His eyes were still emanating their Red Dagger Beams into me. I was in the corner of the room, like a hound with my tail between my legs, trying not to fall down with fright.
Mary collects all the tubes and apologizes to the patient for my embarrassing performance. I apologize to the patient with furtive eyes trying to dodge his red hot laser beams. I manage to follow Mary back to the Lab. I wish I knew who that guy was today, so I could find him and apologize for him being my first patient experience in the world of Phlebotomy. When we get back to the lab, Mary informs me she wants me to sit in the first available chair we find. She knew how scared I was and she tells me, “Steve I want you to sit here and catch your breath and just relax a minute.” I was about to melt into a puddle dripping down onto the floor around that chair. She then began to distribute all the specimens to their appropriate departments. Then she proceeded to wash her hands, scrunches up and throws the paper towel into the trashcan. Mary, then again—Throws me over the Cliff. “Now Steve, I want you to stick me.” She said. “Mary, I don’t want to stick anyone I know!!” I came back again. Then I saw the fire in Mary’s eyes come alive and I found out just how strong the Woman really was. “I said, You are going to stick me now…” She came back at me with a no-nonsense tone and eyes that showed their willful resolve with me. I realized there was no arguing this time. Then her gentle, patient nature came back alive and she gently talked me through the whole process as I gathered my courage and bumbled my way through the procedure. This time I had filled tubes in my hand when I finished. Mary commended me and I found I was actually a little bit elated with what had just happened.
I had actually collected Blood this time. I had not fallen down. I was still conscious. Mary was not in pain. The world was still revolving. She told me I had done a really good job. I felt like a wheelbarrow of bricks had just been taken off of my chest.
I breathed a little bit easier. After a few minutes, I realized that the only way I was going to get over this fear and frozen apprehension was—I had to do the Nike thing—“Just Do it”. And do it I did—Do You remember when Forest Gump ran by the Barber shop in the Movie? The Barber saw him running by and he said–“That Boy Sho is– One Runnin Fool”. Well I did like Forest Did, but instead of being the Running Fool–I became the Sticking Fool. I was still scared like no other, but I managed to gather my courage and like the gentle lion on the Wizard of Oz and his do or die transformation—I did it. I started tagging along with every Phlebotomist who was available and easy or hard patients… I did not care—I did it. After many days of hit and miss, my miss ratio actually began to dissipate…
I started accumulating the skills that developed into the innate and ingrained part of my nature today.
Remember when something terrifies You like it did me…Try to just “Lean, Lock and Roll into it…”
I love what I do. I hope you do too… Steven…